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Our quick guide to what the experts are saying on the New
Year's hot
issues of debate in the City bar. Now you too can hold forth with the confidence
that you are speaking with the wisdom of experience, percolated by years of
painful defeats and rounded by the magical power of beer. The T-Ender and
Terrace Trash are proud to present the authentic voice of reason.....
Bar-Fly's Swift Pint Guide
| Matt Rawlins
Nothing to do with money then? Furthering your
career getting whipped by Yeovil Reserves and Taunton every week. Ungrateful
shower football players, they don't get paid for a few weeks and they just
up and leave. Who'd do that in the real world? Bags of gold was it, betrayed
with a kiss, trips to Devizes. And that loud-mouthed Chippenham Tommy
Saunders bastard. A plague of flies on your dressing rooms that's all I can
say to him, sneaky underhand little weasel Wiltshire ways. We only want
players that'll play for the City shirt with pride anyway, good riddance to
him. Wasn't any good was he? What did he do? Thirteen goals, going past
people, holding the ball up, quick, skillful. Name a good game he had for
the club, apart from Rugby, Gresley, Tiverton.... It's all over isn't it?
We'll never score again. Oh dear God help us, I can feel the darkness coming
again.
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| Flooding
What are the chances of that happening then?
Ground's built on the floodplain and before you know it we're all swimming
in eight foot of stagnant floodwater. Stinks like crap by all accounts too.
Imagine that on your boots, it'd be like playing in the park isn't it? Came
with a great deal of force too, knocking down walls in a big splashing wave
of ... wetness... sorry, almost lost my train of thought there.
Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink. Unless you can grab that
keg of bitter as it floats past the far post. Lot of work, a lot of money,
big clear-up, those premiums will go right up. Not that it matters as the FA
have given us a whole grand to cover the cost, that'll just cover the mower
you tight-fisted suited gits! No, really, thanks. And the floodlights don't
work anymore, but how did anyone notice the difference? The players had to
wear torches strapped to their heads against Mangotsfield anyway. Still
silver lining, imagine if that'd been a lorry park full of expensive gear.
Ooh, costly! Best stick to the football ground perhaps? Hmm?
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| Christmas Games
The true spirit of Christmas isn't it. the little
baby Jesus asleep in the hay, the City supporters asleep dead drunk on the
pavement in Southgate Street. And it's only 11.30 in the morning and a big
Boxing Day derby to look forward to against our hated rivals, Ch#*tenham or
Worcester, Newport or Bath. Or perhaps a dispiriting crawl down the M5 to
watch us collapse to the mighty Weston-super-Mare in their impressive
stadium of reject breeze blocks and attractive reinforced concrete. Feel the
passion? I couldn't even feel my toes. What's happened to us? I know we've
sunk along way, but we didn't even get to play Cinderford and Cirencester.
Not that it matters thanks to flood, frost and famine, but think of next
year. Sort it for the sake of the children. Who programs that fixture
computer? Who spilt coffee on the keyboard? What happened to the traditional
local derby match? Where did it all go wrong? Why so many questions? Whose
got the key to the big house on the hill? What do they keep in the cellar
that we can hear howling at night?
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| Gannas
What's going on with our manager? We've been through all this once, and then
HE BROUGHT HIM BACK! Nice bloke though, Gannas, isn't he? Super man - but
not superman, d'ya see the difference there? Flying through the air, but oh
no! His red cape's across his face and he's slapped the ball straight into
his own net. It's not as if we haven't got another keeper, so why, oh why,
oh why? I suspect dark forces at work though, someone's putting something in
his water. It's not natural to have that sort of problem with crosses, seen
him and Christopher Lee in the same room? Do you know what I mean, hmm? |
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